Do Women Support Another Women? Should They?
Women Assisting Other Women? It’s Difficult
“The gift of encouragement is one of the most wonderful gifts in the world. When someone encourages you, they assist you in crossing a boundary that you would not have crossed on your own.”__ O’Donohue, John
I was recently struck by a sense of sheer, unadulterated jealousy when I read a blog written by a man named Fred Swaniker. Swaniker is a successful entrepreneur who openly (and endearingly) proclaims that he is not self-made. “I had Jon,” he clarifies. In his first employment, Jon was his boss’s boss’s boss. Jon is credited for providing him with his first significant leadership opportunity, sponsoring his Stanford MBA, and making the first investment in the business he founded a decade later. In total, Jon bestowed upon Swaniker 22 years of coaching, advancement, contacts, and financial support. I’ve never encountered a Jon. Have you done so?
Who Is Your Supporter?
How many women have ever encountered this type of behaviour — particularly from another woman? According to the decades of complaints I’ve heard from women about other women — that they’re not very helpful, that they climb the ladder, that they transform into Queen Bees the moment they taste a smidgeon of power — or a seat on a male-dominated team — it’s still not as frequent as we’d like. I’ve heard three such concerns in the last week alone, including an entire session titled ‘Beyond the Queen Bee Syndrome.’
I admit that I’ve wished for my own Jon. I recall approaching a well-known author at a women’s conference more than two decades ago and asking her to mentor me. She smiled nervously, said that I did not require a mentor, and then made a beeline for the restroom.
Men have heard these women’s concerns about women, and this has shaped their view of women. Tyger Tyagarajan, CEO of Genpact, stated at a session I moderated at the Women in Finance Summit that women needed to improve their ability to assist one another. He questioned why I was advocating for male leaders to push women if women weren’t already doing so.
Is it true, therefore, that women do not support one another? Do we expect men to carry out their duties in their absence?
Where ‘It’s Complicated’ Fits
1. Power, not gender, promotes individuals.
Humans are most effectively sponsored and supported by those with authority to give jobs, budgets, and promotions. Men continue to control the majority of CEOs and leadership teams. We are not expecting males to advocate for and promote gender balance in organizations; we are expecting leaders to do it. Why would we expect women to encourage female colleagues more than male colleagues? That is another manifestation of sexism. Additionally, males have a significantly easier time promoting gender balance in male-dominated organizations than women do. Men are praised for their progressive, enlightened leadership, whereas the female CEOs with whom I’ve worked are accused (mainly by men) of promoting a self-serving, feminist agenda. (Of course, if the workplace is dominated by women, women must advocate for greater balance, which can be as tough and contentious in my experience.)
2. Generational Transitions.
When Women Advance, They Take a Step. Individuals who are insecure — regardless of gender — rarely assist others. They are too preoccupied with surviving. Particularly in environments and societies that make them feel uneasy, insecure, or unrecognized. Women had to fight their way up an unwelcoming greasy pole for several centuries — primarily by becoming males. As women gain power, they pass it on in a variety of ways (see below). With each succeeding generation, more women become more at ease with and in positions of authority, and they use their newly-acquired abilities to encourage other women. Ursula von der Leyen, the European Commission’s President, formerly served as Angela Merkel’s Minister of Family Affairs. Kristalina Georgieva, the IMF’s new head, formerly reported to Christine Lagarde. One of the earliest women-to-women successions occurred at Xerox in 2009, when Anne Mulcahy named Ursula Burns as her successor as CEO, making her the first black woman to lead a Fortune 100 firm.
3. Gender-balanced work environments result in gender-balanced sponsors.
Complaints about ‘women not assisting other women’ almost vanish in organizations where men and women both feel competent and comfortable building a gender-balanced talent pool and customer base. And one in which everyone is promoted, supported, and developed fairly, transparently, and evenly. These are the workplaces that may credibly claim to be meritocracies. They remain an anomaly. Covid and its effects have had no beneficial effect.
Women Are Increasingly Supportive of Other Women
There is a vast and expanding list of efforts led by women with the goal of assisting and accelerating the advancement of other women. Here are a few representative projects in which I have been involved. They include venture capital investment for women-led businesses, women-focused leadership and MBA programs, and return-to-work assistance for women navigating the corporate world. There are hundreds of them located around the world. There is almost definitely one close by.
The notion that women do not assist one another is absurd — and harmful. It is a pernicious type of misogyny that seeks to divide in order to conquer. Avoid purchasing it. Spread it not. Rather than that, consider who you have backed this year.
